Mark McGwire ... the hitting coach?

Rumors have come out of St. Louis that former bash brother Mark McGwire will be the Cardinals hitting coach in 2010. Are you kidding me, seriously … honestly, C’MON? I’m sorry if you’re a fan of the roid-raging masher but I don’t see him giving pointers to Albert Pujols. Do you? My ideal hitting coach would be a Tony Gywnn, Paul Molitor, Robin Yount or George Brett. These guys were professional hitters, they could hit to all fields for average and on the occasion hit a home run or two. All McGwire did was swing for the fences hitting a lot of HR which is nice but doesn’t take a whole lot to do especially when you’re 6’5 and 240 lbs.
So, I thought it would be fun to go through some of the Cardinals lineup and see just what kind of advice Big Mac would give them.

Colby Rasmus:

Mark: “Colby, you had a great rookie year but you need to work the count more to get on base, 36 walks in 450 at-bats isn’t gonna cut it.”
Colby: “I know and I’ve been trying this new …”
Mark: “What you need to do is pretend the pitcher is a committee of congressmen and the ball is one of their questions. So when the pitch is on the way you take that question and plead the fifth, you know what I’m saying?”
Colby: “I don’t know how pleading the fifth has to do with baseball?”
Mark: “Listen Colby who’s the hitting coach here?”

Yadier Molina:

Mark: “Yadi you’re a bit on the chubby side and I think if you hit the weight room and beef up a bit you could be a great hitter”
Yadier: “I’m actually an All-star catcher that can hit a little bit.”
Mark: “Hey I’m the hitting coach here and I want you to hit the weight room … and uh-hmm see this guy about this power shake.”
Yadier: “How is a power shake gonna make me a better hitter?”
Mark: “Because I’m the hitting coach dammit!”

Albert Pujols:

Mark: “Albert you are great player!”
Albert: “I really appreciate that …”
Mark: “But I think you can be even better, I have this stuff in the stall that I want to show you.”
Albert: “I don’t feel comfortably about …”
Mark: “Who’s the hitting coach here, me or you?”

The Pitching Staff:

Mark: “Gather round gentlemen, gather round. I have 3 words for you ‘Grip it and Rip it’ that’s all I have to say to you.”
Cardinals Pitcher: “There’s more then that to it right?”
Mark: “Of course it is! I’m the Hitting coach.”


- Gaerts -